WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
third nipple confirmed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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