The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
