I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
