Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
