sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
