so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize