god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize