i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize