I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want her autograph on my taint
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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