I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
