I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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