you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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