how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Come on in and take your pants off
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