woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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