Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize