Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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