if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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