If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
