she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
