I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
