I need help removing her.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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