Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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