do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
