We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
