I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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