@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
