Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
