i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
