i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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