dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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