I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
