I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
