apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
