I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
