what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize