Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Randomize
