Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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