I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
