and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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