I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
