My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
