Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
