new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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