I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
