farters have to be the big spoon...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
