bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
