And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize