thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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