i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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