I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
