he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
