I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
