So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize