dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize