remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dear god my vagina.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
