I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
