At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
being pregnant is like rehab
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
