do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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