My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
