I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
