can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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