I wish you could order shots online.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
