I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
