i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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